When you’re a bridesmaid at a dry wedding, you take measures into your own hands

Let me start by saying this wedding was for my one and only sibling–my little brother.  It was a great day full of friends, family, and lots of love (plus some tears).  I’m proud of him and I know he and his new bride are very happy…

…I also know he tried to make it so there was alcohol at the reception, but that didn’t work out so here’s where my little story fits in.

This story begins and ends with a glass (or 2) of red wine.  (Yes, I’m finishing the wedding contraband as I type this.)

I’ve been to my share of weddings. In fact, this particular wedding was the 6th one in which I was a bridesmaid (number 7 happens next year). Most of those weddings were overflowing with an assortment of beverages, but there’s always the odd wedding that doesn’t, for whatever reason.  And no, I don’t think you need alcohol to have a good time. Anyone who knows me knows this. However, let’s all be honest here, it never hurts to have a little [insert your favorite alcoholic beverage here]. (It also helps to get people out on the dance floor. The Electric Slide is wayyy better after a glass or 2.)

So when my brother broke the news to my mom, who broke the news to me that there would be no alcohol served at the wedding, it was time for Plan B, or in our case, Plan V (for vino, of course).

Me and my contraband. (Photograph taken by my accomplice, aka Mom)
Me and my contraband. (Photograph taken by my accomplice, aka Mom)

Friends asked me what my game plan was, and it was simple: Get a favorite red wine of mine (so I didn’t have to worry about keeping it cold) and sneak it into the reception. I did contemplate more stealthy methods of executing Plan V including but not limited to a wine bra (not working with a strapless dress, but check them out on Amazon!), a flask (with the option of going prohibition-style with a guarder), and the wine that comes in the mini bottles (not available for my favorite wine). While the bra and guarder options would’ve made for a great story, they didn’t work for my purposes.

So I decided on the simplest form of sneaking my wine in–stick it in a bag and hide it under the table.

Did I mention I had an accomplice? That would be my Mom. She also brought her own bottle in a similar style. Mom dashed off to the dark, empty bar to crack open her wine and add ice (and this is why I chose red instead of white). I, on the other hand, chose to set up shop at the table, crouched down with my Trader Joe’s wine opener and empty cup in hand.

We also brought a few family members to the dark side. When I went to ask one of my aunts if she’d like to partake in a little vino, her response–in a very sassy tone–was, “Is it Saturday?” and actually, yes it was, so I said so. My aunt replied with “Well, okay then.”

And so the bridesmaid turned into a bartender and off I went to the sad, lonely bar with my 2 bottles of wine, pouring a few extra glasses on the sly as if I could be busted at any moment.

Truth be told, I don’t really think anyone cared–or was I just THAT good?

Either way, I was completely ready for the Cha-Cha Slide, The Electric Slide, The Wobble, AND The Cupid Shuffle (which, by the way, I had been calling The Cuban Shuffle for way to long with no one correcting me). Completely makes sense that it wasn’t actually The Cuban Shuffle–I had always wondered what was so Cuban about it.

Anyway…

So, kids, the moral of this story is that if you’re invited to a dry wedding and want to sneak wine in, first, be aware of your options in how to do it (someone please get that wine bra and try it out!), and, second, as long as you’re somewhat discreet, most people aren’t even going to notice. Also, make sure your sassy aunt gets a glass.

And, finally, if you’re a family member/member of the bridal party, you can kind of do what you want anyway, right?

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